Is it worth it?

When I was a young child I wondered at the incredible musical fluency of my father. You'd say a few words, but he'd be singing a song that he knew with the same exact words. I envied the ability, but now that I have it it occasionally overwhelms me. I can't not hear a song play in my head. But - I love music. For the last few days I've told myself inside and out, 'music is everything! you can write it! you can make it dude!' It would seem it is nothing more than a lack of sleep at this point; and a general trend of senior slump, but I have a strange irritability surrounding music right now. I gave up and started writing a song during math class today. I've been sharing my strange and 'trippy' lyrics with people, but what does this actually mean? Am I self-absorbed? Am I pretentious? I'm sure the answer is yes to both of those - but how much? If the answer is so much, than I'd rather not continue, but if the answer is just enough to seem thoroughly caught up in what I'm doing - trying to compose, letting my thoughts and feeling pour out with rhythm and melody, then is it worth it? If I can only exist to think about love, friendship, sun, feet, water, more love, synthesizers, college and TJ - what's going on? Haha...I think I've answered my own question while writing, but it certainly doesn't just automatically change. And this is where sleep comes in. If I sleep, my soul closes up. I can focus, I can be practical, I can be realistic. But do I want that? Sitting down in my chair with my 'scalvenged' notebook each night by the light of a lamp and thinking with a pen on paper has been awesome. It has certainly revealed to me what I spend most of my time thinking about - its not calculus that's for sure. But it should be, shouldn't it? I can search out all the indie music I want, but there will always be another most triumphant song that I don't have. Maybe the next post will be about iTunes. Because they are the worst at correct classification and album covers and I'm the worst for having songs that I never listen to on my account. Anywho, I think that there must be a line. A line where on one side lies restraint, focus and practical thoughts and decisions. On the other line lies unrestrained levity, freedom and randomness. I want to walk on the line. I need to be 2-D so I can function.
Whatever path this blog takes - its for the best - and the worst won't matter to me.
I could write for hours just sitting here (song starts going - suck my soul right out of my head, as I lay here, awake in my dirty bed)....but I shall save my eccentric ideas for another time. And I shall be sure to do a brain jump listing here in a few posts.
Gutennacht!
-Aramyil